Matters of the Heart

When do you tell someone that you like them?

What level of emotion (or “like” if you will) warrants telling someone how you feel?

If that person is a friend, and you’re fairly positive that the feeling isn’t mutual, do you still say something? If so, why? What good will it do?

If that person is a friend, and you’re not sure if the feeling is mutual, how much “in like” makes telling them how you feel, worth it?

With Valentines Day fast approaching, I’ve been thinking about these questions. There are two people in my life, both friends, and I can’t quite figure out what I feel towards them. The one I probably do have some level of romantic feelings for, while the other is just a wonderful friend. One of them I’m positive has no feelings for me, while it’s quite possible that the other may. As life would have it, of course the one I may have feelings for is not into me. Yet, at times I find myself wanting to be honest about how I feel, which seems completely pointless and futile given the circumstances. I mean, no, I’m not in love. At the most I’m “in like”. I don’t think about him every hour of every day, and I have always been, and hopefully still am, Ok with the idea of him seeing other people. So, technically I should be fine without saying a word. Yet, there are still moments, although few and random, when I do feel like blurting out “Unfortunately, I think I like you!”. Although, I suppose beginning with “unfortunately” probably wouldn’t go over so well. In the end, I doubt I’ll say a word. I’m not on his romantic radar, which I’ve accepted, but have found it odd that accepting that doesn’t make me care any less.

I do wonder about the other friend. I think he’s attractive. He’s funny. We have a good bit in common, and we get along well. Why DON’T I have feelings for him? I’m not convinced that we’re (meaning human beings) always the best at knowing who is best for us. I’m not convinced that the people we like are really the people that we should have something with, and I’m not convinced that sometimes the people we don’t like aren’t people worth pursuing something with. I don’t think what we’re attracted to is as innate as we give it credit. I think a good bit of it is formed through experience. Having many friends of Indian descent whose parents’ marriage was arranged, I’ve seen this first hand. I remember one of my friends telling me a story about how her mother and father did not see one another until their wedding day, and how when they were married her mother wept for days because her new husband was so much darker than she had hoped he’d be. They didn’t get along too well at first, and I think it was at least 2 years before they even consummated their marriage. But, today, they’re still together and quite happy.

All of this leaves me thinking, not just about my own dilemma, but just about romance in general. How much of who we pursue is automatic, and how much is based on choice?