Friday, November 23, 2007

Life...Together

My nana passed away about a week ago. She was 97. We held her funeral on Monday. My pop-pop, her husband, died in 2003. When he died they had been married for 75 years. 75 years! This fact, in combination with watching my parents over the past week, has left me thinking about what it means to spend the rest of my life with someone.

I now understand why it’s so important that the person you spend your life with be more than just a lover, but a friend, a friend that either is or can become your best friend. There is far more to a marriage than sex, but somehow sex is often what so many of us single people think about when we think about a lifelong commitment, at least those of us who have decided to wait. Yet, sex is just one component of what makes a loving relationship a success. I imagine that when physical beauty has faded, there should be an inner beauty which never fades, an attraction based on what’s inside that grows stronger with the passing of time. I know for a fact that my grandparents didn’t have sex for the last 19 years of their marriage. Yet, they loved deeply. My parents on the other hand, are hornballs. They’re also best friends, who love deeply.

So, what would it be like to spend the rest of my life with one person? No children. No pets. Just the two of us. Sitting with company or in silence. Enjoying one another and at times, our loved ones. Cooking together. Laughing together. At times annoyed with one another. Attending church together. Running together. Hiking together. Watching the sun rise and set, together. Two hearts joined together, whether physically together or apart. What would that be like?


- Bryan

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Thanksgiving Week Reflections

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of something I want as part of my future. It’s usually short-lived, being just long enough to realize how wonderful it would be to have, but not long enough to know whether it’s meant for me, or good for me. It comes suddenly, perhaps through a comment from a friend, the smile of a child, a gust of wind, a warm embrace, or a ray of sunlight peeking through my window in the early morning hours. The experience is both beautiful and uncomfortable at the same time.

This post comes on the tail end of a conversation with a friend today in which we both shared some of the desires and complexities of our hearts. I guess there are some friends who just give us clarity, friends who inadvertently allow us to learn more about ourselves, who we are, what we want, and what we have to be thankful for. I have a few like that, and I’m grateful. Today’s conversation, though brief, was good for me. My friend already knows the affinity I have for him (yes, friends CAN have that *rolls eyes* ), and that parts of who he is are reflective of the traits I hope to find in my future “husbpartnerspouse”. In that respect it’s always cool to chat with him and be reminded that likeminded gay guys do exist. More importantly though, today I was reminded that of all the glimpses I’ve caught, I’ve seen enough of them realized to be OK were I to never see another. I have much to be thankful for.

It’s comforting to know that some things are just out of my control, including who I’ll be or what things and people will shape my world in the years to come. I guess I’m content without all of the answers. I guess I’m ok not knowing when this season will end, and what the next one will bring. I’m really ok.

I guess you would have to have known me for the better part of the past 26 years to know why “I’m ok” means more than the words themselves can possibly express.

Happy Thanksgiving!

-Bryan

“Even if my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me…. I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”
From Psalm 27 - A Psalm of David. :)

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Where's my Swear Jar

So, it's back to work for me today. After a weekend in the Catskills and two lovely days outside of the office, it's time to return. There's something about returning to work in the bitter cold that just makes returning to work that much more difficult. It also makes it really difficult for me to get my butt out of bed and go for a run. I hate running in the cold.

Anyhow, I chatted on the phone with my friend David last night for a few hours. Somehow we got onto the topic of weather, at which point he said "I can understand why someone would live where it's always hot, or why someone would live where it's always cold, but I don't understand you New York people who live where it's so hot in the summer and so cold in the winter." I woke up this AM with that thoughts on my mind, and I think I finally have an answer!

We forget!

Yup. Somehow. Someway. We forget. When the spring hits and those flowers start to bloom, when those birds start to sing, and that sun starts to shine for more hours in the day...we forget ALL about the winter, the cold, the snow. The promises we made ourselves during those coldest moments to move to some sunny tropical place? Yeah, we forget them too. Yup. That's it.....

Anyway, the below is a Youtube video that seems appropriate for my return to the office today. *sigh*

Enjoy!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

A Retreat to the Mountains

So, I was fortunate enough to go to the Catskills this weekend for a retreat. And it was truly a retreat. Good scenery, great company, and good food have a way of making things better, not that things were bad to begin with.

I could write forever on all that I experienced and learned this weekend. But since I don't much feel like writing forever, I decided to just throw a Sarah Groves song in instead. I'm that lazy...

New England's is a beautiful place...