Sunday Morning Reflections

I woke up this Sunday morning, my brain flooded by a number of thoughts. Thoughts like:

- I wonder when everyone will leave for church and I’ll have the house all to myself for a few hours

- I can’t believe how in love I’ve fallen with that townhouse my mom and I visited yesterday (a ploy on her part to get me to move back to Pennsylvania)

- I wonder if “he” has gotten the letter, and what he’s feeling/thinking

- Why is it that as much as I love New York City, I often find it difficult to leave Pennsylvania and go back home.

Yesterday, after my mom took me to visit a sample of some new townhouses that are being built about 20 minutes from their house, we went to lunch. Well, correction, I went to lunch and managed to sucker her into sitting with me while I ate. Hey, she got a free dessert out of it. During lunch she said “I know you would never move back here” to which I ferociously nodded my head in agreement. But, after I sat thinking about how comfortable Pennsylvania has become for me, about how all my assumptions and hang-ups about Pennsylvania have mostly gone out of the window, and about how great the cost of living is, I looked at her and said “well, I wouldn’t say that I’d NEVER move back to Pennsylvania”. The truth is, I probably would move back to Pennsylvania. I’ve been surprised at how many “gay friendly” churches there are, even in the midst of amish country, by the diversity of people that live there (it seems even more diverse than it did when I was a kid), and the cheap cost of living (the beautiful, brand new, 1600 square foot, 3 floor town house I saw was priced at $195,000, while the average price of a not so big apartment in Manhattan last year was $1.4 million.).

However, the idea of moving back to PA at 26 feels like a death sentence. What would I do in Pennsylvania? How would I ever meet someone there? Yet, I’ve heard it said a million times, and I’ve said it myself, that NYC is not the place to meet someone if you’re looking for something significant. You’d have better luck in the backwoods of Alabama.

Deep down I know that the next move, especially if it’s to Pennsylvania, is it. I’m just not sure if I’m ready for my next move to be “it”, mostly because of the not having found someone bit. But, I am ready to settle down, quite ready, and I’m realizing that I can settle down without having found someone. Life goes on, whether coupled or single.

- Bryan

PS: The above picture is from the shore of the Deleware River here in PA. This really is a beautiful state.