Going back to school...

...for interior design.

I'm extremely exctied. I'm also extremely nervous! There's so much to figure out and i'm trusting that things will work out as they should. I've reached this point many times in the past. It's no secret that my heart is in the design world, and in the past such careers have always been top on the list of things I should be doing, while the things I am doing have always been in the middle or at the very bottom. Yet, fear of the substantial loss of income and the logistics of how my path to my dream would take place kept me from moving forward. I woke up the other morning and finally said "enough is enough". I can spend the rest of my life waking up and dreading the day that lies ahead just because the paycheck is good, or I can take a risk and follow my heart, perhaps into poverty? Oh well, i'm going to follow my heart.

The Goofball Within

I’m an intelligent, caring, successful businessman, who also happens to be a total… goofball. *sigh*

This is something that makes me laugh and that makes me feel awkward at the same time. It makes me laugh because, well…I do some of the silliest, craziest, most nonsensical things! I love to laugh and I love being around people who also love to laugh. One of the greatest feelings is busting a gut with someone you care about. However, while many women find a humorous guy attractive (particularly when he also has a brain) I don’t know that most gay guys do. It goes back to my idea that many men are influenced, foremost, by appearance and perception, whereas women tend to be, foremost, influenced by emotions. It’s almost as if to say that many women are initially influenced by what’s happening in their heart, whereas men tend to be influenced by what’s happening in their groins. Ok that’s harsh…but I’m not quite ready to say that it’s untrue. Some have tried to convince me otherwise, but I have yet to hear a compelling argument.

So, what’s a goofball to do? I could easily assume the role of the sophisticated New Yorker. I have to do it often because of my line of work and some of the circles I travel in, although I’m naturally more laid back. I could hold back my laughter. I could refrain from wise cracks and dry sarcasm. I could only speak when I have something highly intelligent and unamusing to say. I’d certainly feel more mature, I suppose. And, perhaps, I’d meet someone who would see me as more than just a really cool friend.

Hmmm…I’m not sure what I think on this matter. I’m not sure what I’d be sacrificing, or gaining, in the end. What is the difference between bettering oneself, and becoming someone you were never meant to be? What is and isn't necessary, and where is the line?

Typical Day

I never realize how fast this city is until I see things like this. It's hard to believe, but there's actually peace in the chaos.




...and here's a bit of that peace (not taken by me, but it's my neighborhood)

Twenty Something

A few weeks ago I made a comment to a friend in which I referenced people in their early 20’s. I unconsciously did so in a way that implied that I fit into that category, only to have my friend point out that I’m no longer in my early 20’s. “Wow. I’m no longer in my early 20’s” I thought to myself afterwards. When the heck did that happen?! When did I enter this new and final phase of young adulthood, and why didn’t I realize it? Regardless, I must accept the truth that I’m getting older. Doing so isn’t that difficult because to be honest, it’s great!

I’ve reached a point where I know who I am, not completely, but much more than I did at 21. I have enough of a sense of what I want to know how to follow in its general direction. Much more of what I do is because I want to do it, and much less is driven by the expectations of others. I’m much less interested in being someone else’s ideal person, and much more interested in being the best me that I can be. I'm much more capable of accepting those things that I cannot change, and much more interested in working on those things that I can. More and more, I am who I am because it’s who I want to be.

As I sit in my own apartment with rent I can actually afford, in the city I’ve wanted to be in since I was 7, with a job I never thought I’d have, in a company I wanted to work for since I was 21, with more friends and family than I ever thought i'd have, I’m thankful to say that none of the "good me” was lost in the process. Now, I no longer miss who I was at 21, but instead, am pretty proud of who I am at 26.

- Bryan