Over the past few days, I’ve been realizing just how much uncertainty currently exists in my life. I have no idea what I’m doing tomorrow let alone 6 months from now. Making matters more uncomfortable are the things about which I actually AM certain. I am certain that I don't want to stay in Manhattan after next summer and I am certain that I don't want to do what I’m doing anymore career wise. Not only am I certain in these things, but this is the direction in which I strongly feel God leading me. Only questions are...what am I going to do? Where am I going to go?
Aside from possibly teaching in Pohnpei as a volunteer for 11 months, which also is not certain...by no fault of my own, I literally have no clue...no idea whatsoever. For the past month, I’d say that I’ve seen nothing in my future...nothing at all. It's one big foggy black haze that shrouds my vision, and for someone who has always done his best to plan every step, that's a little scary.
Nevertheless*, I’m finding that uncertainty is only uncomfortable when we think certainty is best.
There's something freeing in letting go of expectations, in saying..."i have no idea", because there is no greater experience of perfection, and no moment more breath taking, than that moment in which the fog disappears…and before you is the path and the plan...not that you have chosen...but that God has laid out for you. Sure, it may not always be easy, but in my heart, I am convinced that the path he has designed for me is far better than any I could create for myself.
So, I’m choosing to not freak out right now, to not stress over it all. And in doing so I'm finding that the saying really is true...sometimes ignorance is bliss...!
Hasta!'
* 'Nevertheless' is my new favorite word. You should see peoples’ faces when I say it in a conversation! It's like "whoa this guy's got some vocabulary to be able to use 'nevertheless' during general communication!”
Friday, November 17, 2006
Uncertainty
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3 comments:
Choosing not to freak out is a good firs step! lol. Don't worry man, I also have no clue what my future holds. I'm only 22, but I know that living the rest of my life in the "cornhusker" state, won't bring me any happiness....so what to do? I guess we go with the flow...being spontaneous perhaps...maybe you should look into Nebraska..lol
hey..no state is off limits! After 2 plus years of city living husking corn could be quite refreshing!!
or give Long Beach, CA a try! it's definitely not LA craziness but it's close enough to LA, San Diego, Palm Springs, the OC, where ever you might want to go - mountains, desert, beach, urban, suburban - it's a great place to live, or even visit! =)
nevertheless, (ding ding - bell chimes) where ever we end up is where we are. while on my own journey, i discovered that i started bumping into others who are also in the fog. it may feel uncertain but at least we can find that we're all asking the same questions.
for me, i stopped looking for answers or His plan. instead, i'm just letting the questions drive the journey - and enjoying the view along the way.
bless ya!
Eric
(found ya via GCN)
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