Struggling to Find the Balance

These days I find myself struggling to find the balance between who I was and who I am. I’m not quite sure where one ends and the other begins. What’s authentic...what’s fabricated...what’s lasting. I’m not sure where the person I knew has gone, or if he even still exists?

All this talk of helping people, teaching, moving abroad, career changes..It’s all quite noble. It’s all very fascinating.

But is it me?

To date, I’ve been the guy you would catch chilling out in Union Square on a sunny day, or perusing through French Connection with a latté in one hand and my cell phone in the other. I’ve been the guy who loved New York City nights and the very idea of letting loose till 4am with 15 of my closest friends. I've been the guy with high hopes for an astounding corporate career and persistent dreams of an $800,000 one bedroom 750 square foot condo in the city (and a doorman if I could swing it).

To date, I have not been the guy who would visit a developing nation, let alone move to one. I have not been the guy who would sacrifice money and the material things I love for such an endeavor, no matter how noble the cause. To date, I never let my heart overstep the boundaries that my head had drawn…I made that mistake early on.

Thus far I have been bold, confident, strong, courageous, independent, and admirable.

Today, I feel weak, alone, uncertain, afraid, insignificant, and downright confused.

Who in the world am I!?

Change is good…it truly is. But sometimes too much change is just…too much!

-G'Night