This Holiday Season

Visiting with my family this holiday season has been filled with a variety of emotions. Every time I come home to this beautiful big house in the Pennsylvania Amish country I’m taken back by the serenity that exists here. In addition to the beautiful countryside, it’s also a place that, for me, is overflowing with love as practically my entire family is within a 15 minute drive (a blessing and a curse you say….oh how true!).

However, there is also a certain degree of sorrow that exists in the midst of the laughter, the stories, the cooking and decorating together...sorrow in realizing that one day soon I will tell them that I am gay, and things will never be the same. See, I came out to my parents when I was 14. However, they just assumed that I was confused and swept it under the rug. It has never really been discussed since. However, now I am both happy to be who I am and have found tremendous peace in reconciling my faith and my sexuality. I am as far from confused as one can get. But, being that my entire family is chalk full of devout evangelical Christians of color, that will not fly in their ranks…no matter how confident I am in my relationship with Christ and his affirmation of me.

So, as I helped prepare thanksgiving dinner, as I hugged my relatives and played with my niece, as I spent a few hours alone last night setting up the 10ft Christmas tree, and as I decorate it with my mother tonight…I can’t help but realize that the man I love will never step foot in this beautiful house, and my children will never run though these yards. Hopefully my future guy will still be close to his family...

Hmmmm….sucks pretty bad!

That’s it…

Bryan