TGIF

Bryan: We’re budgeting for this twice next year. We should only be budgeting for it once.

SVP: What do you mean?

Bryan: In 2007 we only budgeted for it once, which is accurate. In the 2008 budget we have it listed twice, one for project xxa and one for project xxb.

SVP: I’m not understanding....

Bryan: Ok. We should only be budgeting for it once. Like…one time. When I look at the budget, I see that xxa is budgeting for it, and xxb is budgeting for it. Two projects are budgeting for exactly the same thing, which isn’t necessary. It looks like we’re intending to spend twice as much on it as we’re actually going to. We should remove it from xxb and just keep it on xxa.

(VP comes into SVP’s office)

SVP to VP: Do you understand this?

VP: What?

Bryan: SVP is budgeting for the same item twice. I see it as a 2008 budget request for two different projects. It should only be on one project.

VP: ....uh huh...

Bryan:…….

Bryan: We’re budgeting for 200% of the actual cost.

VP: What d'ya mean?

Bryan:….

Bryan to VP and SVP: Ok. Say I owe you $100. And to make sure I remember I’m going to include it in my budget for next month. However, instead of just creating one item that says “Pay VP $100”, I create two items which say “Pay VP $100”. Instead of it looking like I owe you $100, it now looks like I owe you $200. But I don’t owe you $200. I only owe you $100. So, to make sure that I’m portraying my expenses as accurately as possible so that I can budget as accurately as possible, I need to remove one of those items which say “Pay VP $100”, so that instead of it looking like I owe you $200 on my books, it looks like I only owe you $100….which is accurate. That’s what’s happening here. It looks like we’re going to be paying more to this vendor next year because we have this item listed twice in error. You get me?

SVP: ……. …….. (blank stare)

VP:……………… (blank stare)

Bryan:……………..

Bryan: .....have a good weekend….

(Bryan leaves office, grabs his crap, and heads to the elevator)

Awaking With the Dawn

I go for a run early in the morning. Not only is it a great way to wake up (although some days, or weeks, waking up is more difficult than others) but there’s just something humbling about running through city streets as the sun rises above the buildings. I don’t run far, only between 1-1.5 miles. I know, “Bryan are you kidding me…a mile!?” Because I live in the city and rely on a combination of my feet and public transportation to get to and from, I don’t really need to run very far. The combination of running and walking results in about 10-15 miles each week. So, my morning run is really just a way of getting in some more strenuous activity than walking.

Running also clears my head. I find that when I run in the morning I rarely think about negative things. Instead, I think about how blessed I am to live in the city I wanted to be in since I was a kid but never thought I’d live in. I think about how nice it is to have good family and friends, even though we have our differences. I think about how good it feels to be able to run, because some people can’t. I think about how great God is for giving me the life that he’s given me. Oh, and sometimes I think about the attractive dudes I see walking their dogs while i'm running that I try to pretend like I don’t notice. I’m shy. AND, I think about love. Yes, that’s right boys and girls, Bryan actually does think about love. Newsflash!

Anyway, This morning’s run was wonderful. Well, except for the part where I realized that I didn’t hydrate myself enough and spent the 20 minutes after I got home trying to avoid puking. That wasn't so wonderful. When I got home though I had, and still have, a song I wrote a while ago buzzing through my head. It is about love. More so, it’s about being in love and what that might feel like. I don’t remember when I wrote it. New songs/poems often flow through my head. I guess that’s what happens when your parents are musicians.

Below is a few lines from “Could You..” I’ll probably be playing this song in my head during my ride to work this A.M. Which reminds me, gotta run!

"Sitting in the mid day sun
Passers by start to become
Rays that dance around the light that you and I emit here
Wrap us up in something more
Something more we can explore
A world we carry on our shoulders as we move into each other
And the birds they start to sing
Rejoicing with us in this thing that here is quickly growing, flying, blooming, overflowing
This isn’t what I thought it’d be like
It’s greater, too great for me to deny
Come in closer
Coming closer
Come in closer
Coming closer….now….."

-by Bryan

Follow up to "Oh How I love New York Nightlife....in Small Doses"

There were about 16 of us who went to Manahatta, a really great club in the East Village, to celebrate my bff’s birthday last night. A good time was had by all. It’s quite the trek from Morningside Heights to the East Village, which is why I seldom go to the East Village. That being said, the East Village does have some awesome bars, restaurants, clubs, lounges, etc. so it’s a great place to chill on a Friday or Saturday night.


Upon arrival I was fortunate enough not to have to wait in line because I was on the guest list. One of the things that irks me sometimes about the NYC night club scene is the long lines and the fact that some clubs are so pretentious. Getting in has never been a problem for me, but when I’m going out to have a good time I want to get excited about going out to have a good time, not work my nerves up by spending hours getting ready in order to give myself the best shot at getting in, which half the time, for guys, really just comes down to whether or not you’re with hot girls.

Anyway, as I walked past the guards and through the doors into deafening music and a sea of people, I realized something, something I already suspected. This “something” only became more evident as I attempted to make my way to the back of the lounge so that I could head downstairs to the club. As I tip-toed, wiggled, and inched my way through the throngs of people packed so tightly together that I feared death by asphyxiation, I realized 1) someone just grabbed my butt…eww, and 2) I’M TOO OLD FOR THIS CRAP! This is all rather amusing as there was a day, not long ago, when I loved the night club scene though pretentious it can sometimes be. I loved the loud music, the dancing, the lights, the entire vibe was just my “thing”. Now, I’ll take an apple martini over good conversation at a place like Buddakan over last night’s festivities any day of the week. I guess I’m growing up. Yay, I’m mature!

It was a great night though, regardless of how many times I looked at my watch and wondered how much more bumping and grinding I could really do before I crawled behind a curtain and went to bed. Good pictures were taken through out the night, and by “good” I mean incriminating pictures which will never see the light of day.

I didn’t get home until close to 5am. I was only able to get a few hours of sleep before I had to wake up and head to church for a brunch meeting after the service. It’s a gorgeous day today! However, the hour and a half I spent looking out the window at brunch plus the 5 minute walk from the bus stop to my house was enough for me to take the day in. I’m going to sleep.

Night!

Oh How I love New York Night Life....in Small Doses

Tomorrow is my best friend's birthday. We're celebrating it at a popular night club here in the city. She's quite the party girl (see picture to the right). She's also hot! Which...is totally lost on me cause i'm gay.

Anyway, tomorrow will be a good time i'm sure. I'm just more the "chilling out in a lounge" type than the "how long can I drink my kamikaze while dancing on this ridiculously small platform with 3 other sweaty people?" type.

Ah well. You're only young once. Plus, I got the moves to set that platform on FIRE!

Autumn in New York and a Place to Call Home

So, it's Autumn in New York. Well, it's not officially autumn, but seeing as though the official beginning of the autumn season is only a few days away, I'm officially declaring it Autumn here on "Another Side of Something." Autumn is one of my favorite times of year next to Spring. The Northeast is a beautiful place to be this time of year. The leaves take on new colors, the air becomes crisp and clear (as clear as it can get here in the city), and the pace picks up as everyone knows they're closing in on the holidays and a brand New Year. If you've never had the chance to visit the Northeast during Autumn I'd encourage you to do so. It truly is a sight to see.

All that being said, I can't believe that I've lived here for over two years. It seems like only yesterday I was searching for apartments with my former roommates and wondering if this on-again-off-again love I had for New York, NY could ever turn into a permanent thing. Little did I know that my on-again-off-again love "thang" for this city would actually continue to be on-again-off-again (and sometimes more "off" than "on") for a year and a half after my move. My my, how things change. I could think of no better city to call home than this one. It fits me. I've experienced more in the past 2 years here in New York than I experienced in the 5 years before I got here. I've grown more as well, and the growing only continues.

It was only six short months ago during a conversation with some friends that I realized that I only stayed in New York because it was "New York". I stayed because it was the city that never slept, the big apple, and almost everywhere I went outside of this city people thought it was a really big deal, particularly in the sticks of Pennsylvania where my family lives. I stayed because not knowing where to go was more unsettling than being unhappy. Now, I stay because it's home. Home is where your heart is, and my heart is here. What can I say? I'm a New Yorker.

This is me...

The past few days I’ve been hearing a lot about the “gay community”. It’s all been pretty focused around those things about the gay community and it’s members which are undesirable (i.e. too fem = not masculine enough, too into fashion = superficial, the list goes on). Interestingly enough, this has all come from other gay men and women. In my desire to not fit those stereotypes I’ve found myself evaluating all of my own stereotypically gay tendencies to see how I measure up (or in this case…DON’T measure up, as that would be most desirable).

I’ve met a lot of gay men and women over the past year and a half who profess a devout faith in Christ. The large majority of them are amazing people. However, so many of them seem to have conditions. So many seem to take pride in those things that set them apart from the rest of the gay community (i.e. I’m gay but I’m not THIS type of gay). I’ve found myself doing the same thing. However, I’m getting to the point where I’m realizing what true self-acceptance is, and so much of what I’ve looked down upon in others are things which I first looked down upon within myself. Not because those things were inherently wrong, but because they set me apart. They made my difference that much more obvious.

So, as I was doing my thing in this great big city tonight I couldn’t get these thoughts out of my head, all those things that I try to pretend I’m not that I really am. Some of it is just part of my design and nothing that can or should be changed. Others things I need to work, some of which I have been and some of which I haven't. Regardless, all of it is what make me me, the good with the bad.

So, this is me…

I like clothes and fashion….a lot. I can look at a dress, tell you if it’s designer, and sometimes even who made it.

I admire women’s shoes.

I like America’s Next Top Model, although I don’t watch it regularly

I sometimes find celebrities intriguing, and enjoy the occasional catch up on what’s happening in their lives.

I hate spiders….i freak out at the sight of them

I admire great wealth and power, but I’m conscious of it’s place in the world and in life

I can be a total flake when it comes to friends and family

I’m way to self-conscious

I pretend not to care about things that I really do care about

I can easily dismiss an important relationship over the slightest offense. Easier to hurt than to be hurt.

I sometimes, when I see a family on the train, wonder what my children will look like, and picture them in my arms.

I get emo over hallmark commercials

I’m my worst critic, nothing I do is ever good enough, my successes could have been more successful

I had my first sexual experience when I was 9. Way too young and far too damaging.

I want to help the people I love to know how much I love them back, but don’t know how

I wish I could accept other’s love, but I find that difficult to do

I really really like Madonna.

I’m not very trusting, not even of those I’m close to, I often expect for them to intentionally hurt or disappoint me somehow

I sometimes feel like enough isn’t really enough, I don’t want to want more, but I do

I crush easily, but I fall for no one

My mind often wanders, and sometimes to places it shouldn't

I miss the me that existed 4 years ago, ignorance is sometimes bliss

I love sweets, I can easily say screw dinner and go to town on a batch of chocolate chip cookies instead.

I instinctively look to anything pleasurable as a means to forget

I only like thunderstorms when other people are around

I’d like to learn to play the guitar so I can woo cute boys with my sultry voice. hehe

I don’t like the winter so much, it’s dark way too often…kinda depresses me

I pretend not to notice that i’m often the only brown face in the room, but I notice

I pretend to be stronger than I am, to the point where I’m not as tender as I should be

I sometimes feel embarrassed when I’m offended, so I pretend not to be offended

I wish I could let go

I wish I could grab hold

I sometimes wish I could go back in time, to that chubby 14 year old kid staring at the pills in the medicine cabinet and wishing he had the guts to do the only thing he thought would bring him some peace, and tell him it’ll all be okay…because it was okay..

...and I believe that it gets even better (ahh...there's that optimism!)

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.
Jeremiah 31:3

For a friend...

This is for a friend who's been having a rough few weeks with family, life, and everything else.

If there's anything to say, if there's anything to do, If there's any other way, he'd do anything for you. :)



I have called you children, I have called you son.
What is there to answer if I'm the only one?
Morning comes in Paradise, morning comes in light.
Still I must obey, still I must invite.
If there's anything to say, if there's anything to do,
If there's any other way, I'll do anything for you.

I was dressed embarrassment.
I was dressed in wine.
If you had a part of me, will you take your time?
Even if I come back, even if I die
Is there some idea to replace my life?
Like a father to impress;
Like a mother's mourning dress,
If you ever make a mess, I'll do anything for you

I have called you preacher; I have called you son.
If you have a father or if you haven't one,
I'll do anything for you.

I did everything for you

In The Family Way

Last Sunday we had infant baptism at church. This was the first time I’ve witnessed an infant baptism there. Not to say that they haven’t done them, as I know for a fact that they have. This was just the first one I was present for, and it was an experience as I’ve never seen an infant baptism in a Presbyterian church. The whole process, particularly the words that were spoken, was quite beautiful.

I just couldn’t take my eyes off of the kids. They’re round little faces watching anxiously, yet having no idea what they were actually watching and experiencing. It was cool to see their little personalities shine through at various times. Some giggled, some shuddered as the water was dribbled onto their foreheads, some refused to be held by anyone other than their parents, some cried, and some slept.

Ever since then I’ve been thinking about having a family of my own, much more than usual. Something about Sunday has rekindled that fire. This is of course not the first time that I’ve felt this way. However, I have this knack for convincing myself that I feel something (or more typically with me, DON’T feel something) that I really do. I managed to convince myself that a family wasn’t really a dream or desire of mine, that perhaps while it would be a “nice to have”, it wasn’t something that my heart really wanted. Yet, this past Sunday reminded me that it is more than just a “nice to have”, but instead is something that I yearn for. A family…

The difficult thing about hopes, dreams, desires, and yearnings is that…well…they’re just hopes, dreams, desires and yearnings. None of them are promised to us. None of them are certain to come to fruition. That in mind, I find it difficult to find the balance between the reality of what “is” and the possibilities of what could be. So, I instead try to err on the side of caution when thinking about yearnings of the heart, and try to be as realistic as possible, almost to the point of pessimism. At one point it was a conscious decision to deal with things this way. I’m far more optimistic by nature. These days, it feels more subconscious. I’ve trained myself. Again, I only do this with matters of the heart, and only to myself. I’m optimism’s cheerleader when it comes to most other things and most other people.

I just don’t know that I’ll ever have my own family, and I don’t know what good it does to hope that I will someday. Yet, I wish I could say that to not have my own family would be Ok with me.

Maybe I’ll get there.

My Visual DNA

It's been a quiet weekend at home. I thought it would suck, but in actuality it hasn't been so bad.

Anyway, to pass some time tonight I did the "My Visual DNA" test. It's a test where you look at different photographs and based on the question being asked, choose the photograph that registers with you the most. Below are the results of my test. I'm always quite surprised after these tests as for me, they tend to be fairly accurate (unless i'm dillusional and have horrible self-perception). Anyway, enjoy...


Mood: Easy Rider

You're a bit of a romantic and have a taste for the exotic. You love feeling the sea breeze in your hair, sun on your skin... Slip those shoes off... You like to kick back. When it comes to art, you appreciate precision and hard work - real craftsmanship. You appreciate the history of a piece, the stories that it holds - you are a touch sentimental! As for music, it's the soundtrack to your world. You like to unwind and switch off: it gives you a break from reality. Your choice of treat shows you love being a little bit naughty. Being good all the time is a bore. You've got a good sense of fun and maybe an infectious giggle.


Fun: Escape Artist

You love to be far away from your everyday life. You love the sun, and like to live life at a slower pace than most - you know how to take things nice and easy! When it comes to holidays, you'll take experience over comfort every time, whether under canvas or under the stars. You love the chance to be in the wilderness and the freedom of being in charge of where you're heading. What grosses you out? Good manners are essential. Prodding, poking and picking get your "Yuk" factor ticking.


Habits: Junkie Monkey

Even if you have a healthy approach to life, you still have your little vices that keep you going. It is all part of the routine, you're a creature of habit. You're not neurotic about making healthy choices... You've got more of an easy going and carefree approach to your lifestyle. and a sweet tooth too. As for the home, you favour a cosy, home spun look. you dig the D-I-Y vibe big time.



Love: Home Soul

You're a real home soul. You care deeply about family life and all that comes with it, the love of a child very special. When you think of freedom - you think of being in charge of your direction. The open road and a full tank can take you pretty much anywhere.

Bye-bye Dirty Laundry....I Never Loved You

So, I’ve done it. I’ve officially become a New Yorker, and by that I mean that I pay someone else quite a bit of money to do my laundry.

Now BEFORE YOU JUDGE….please know that doing laundry in a place like NYC is both expensive and an out and out pain in the rear. I suppose it’s not so bad if you have lots of time on your hands and live within a few blocks of a Laundromat. However, I have neither lots of time on my hands nor the desire to schlep my laundry all the way up to Broadway and 125. So, yes….every other Saturday I have someone come my to home, an extremely pleasant and very timely gentleman I might add, and whisk away the above bag filled with my many unmentionables. Two days later (or sometimes within 24 hours) he returns with my clothes nicely folded and my dress shirts and pants starched and hung on the neatest little hangers, which are only neat because they’re free! Well, that and the pants are hung on hangers that are designed to keep them from getting that unseemly hang wrinkle, which I dread!

Yes, this is a luxury. And yes, I feel quite blessed to be able to do such a thing. I try to take none of that for granted.

My laundry man comes tomorrow. I’m excited. I have dish towels and some new shirts that are in need of some eco-groovy skin-friendly satisfaction-guaranteed cleaning!