Leaving New York

I’m going to let you in on a little secret, something that many of us non-native New Yorkers, the ones who have stuck around anyway, know and experience, but rarely tell anyone less we loose our street cred. The secret is….sometimes we don’t want to live here anymore. Sometimes, the Big Apple tastes a little rotten and we feel like tossing it in into the trash can and grabbing a plum instead.

Yesterday was a beautiful day and I was able to spend a few hours of it hanging in Central Park with my friend AMC. This was all before we had to put on our Harry Potter gear and rush off to spend a few hours hanging out with some 5th and 6th graders for our church’s Harry Potter night (which was CRAZY amounts of fun by the way!). AMC and I had a good conversation spanning lots of topics, including our feelings about New York, and it was nice to hear someone else say that in spite of their love for New York, they too have times when they just feel like they’re done with it all. At least I know I’m not totally mental…key word being “totally”…

I guess there are just days when I miss what used to be “normal”. There are times when I wish that getting off of this 22 square mile island to do something as simple as go to Target or visit my parents, wasn’t such an ordeal. As it stands, renting a car or purchasing a train ticket is needed to do both, which also requires money and planning and sometimes isn’t even feasible. There are times when I’d love to wake up to a field of grass and chirping birds, instead of honking horns and rowdy pedestrians. There are days when I’d so much rather get in a car, by myself, and head to work, than stand in a crowded subway car only to plow my way through gaggles of tourists when I get above ground. There are days when I don’t feel like being a tough New Yorker, when I’d rather smile at the random people I encounter and receive a smile in return, as opposed to a grimace or most often, no eye contact in the first place. And there are times when I wish for more permanence, as many people my age don’t see this city as a place to call home, but more a place to make their mark, have some fun, and then move on to a place that they can call home. I suppose I thought that all of this was just some form of S.A.D as I mostly feel this way in the Fall and Winter. While I’m sure that the S.A.D thing is partially true, I also know from other non-natives that these feelings are common.

Then again, some of my “beef” is really rooted in my age and place in life. I’ve seen a difference among those who are a bit older and a bit more established; those who can afford to have a car here in the city and the small fortune it costs to garage it, and who can afford to get away whenever the need arises, even if it’s just upstate for a few weekends in a row. Fortunately, I’m on my way to being able to do such things, it’s just a matter of when and is it worth it.

All of this being said, I spent last night with a bunch of kids who have known no other home than New York City. As they rushed off at the end of the night, one by one, saying goodbye and “see ya next Sunday”, I had a strong desire to see these kids grow up. I also couldn’t help but think about what it would be like to raise my children in a city like New York, and to be honest, something about it just felt right.


As I’ve said before, home is where the heart is, and although we may have our differences, for now, my heart is here…in New York.


-Bryan