This is a photo by Duane Michals called "Salvation". Duane does a significant amount of photography featuring the male form, and, well...gay men.
Thought provoking...
Thought provoking...
On Vulnerability
How Vulnerable should one be? I suppose it depends on who you’re being vulnerable to. I find that I’m more vulnerable with certain friends than others. It feels a bit odd honestly. Tonight I shared with two friends (separate conversations) about the fact that I was freaking out about all the responsibilities I’ve taken on lately. I’ve been trying to be more transparent for a while now, but I must admit that opening up, even to friends, is still awkward. Yet, I know that I WANT to open up, otherwise I wouldn’t make it known that there’s something I need to open up about in the first place. That being said, I think, for right or wrong, there’s a certain level of vulnerability that I’ve only expected to reach in a romantic relationship. Yet, I’ve gotten dangerously close, not to a good relationship (le sigh) but to that level of vulnerability, and afterwards I’ve thought to myself “isn’t that something that I was only supposed to share with the person I fall in love with?”. I know…Bryan you foolish idealist you!
But really, if I share my heart and soul with someone who doesn’t long to share their heart and soul with me, what is left to share with someone who does want to share their heart and soul with me, and I don’t mean in a platonic way. Fortunately, I trust those that I’ve shared a great deal with enough to forcefully let go of the apprehension (and ideals…to some extent) and the friend that I’ve probably shared the most with I trust a great deal, which when I think about it, often makes me laugh as he’s several years younger, yet abnormally wise for his age.
Umm…yeah, I guess that’s that. I’m still waiting for someone with whom all of the guards can come down. I've had people, usually people I like, with whom i've desired to reach that level, but...i wouldn't let myself...seemed pointless.
How Vulnerable should one be? I suppose it depends on who you’re being vulnerable to. I find that I’m more vulnerable with certain friends than others. It feels a bit odd honestly. Tonight I shared with two friends (separate conversations) about the fact that I was freaking out about all the responsibilities I’ve taken on lately. I’ve been trying to be more transparent for a while now, but I must admit that opening up, even to friends, is still awkward. Yet, I know that I WANT to open up, otherwise I wouldn’t make it known that there’s something I need to open up about in the first place. That being said, I think, for right or wrong, there’s a certain level of vulnerability that I’ve only expected to reach in a romantic relationship. Yet, I’ve gotten dangerously close, not to a good relationship (le sigh) but to that level of vulnerability, and afterwards I’ve thought to myself “isn’t that something that I was only supposed to share with the person I fall in love with?”. I know…Bryan you foolish idealist you!
But really, if I share my heart and soul with someone who doesn’t long to share their heart and soul with me, what is left to share with someone who does want to share their heart and soul with me, and I don’t mean in a platonic way. Fortunately, I trust those that I’ve shared a great deal with enough to forcefully let go of the apprehension (and ideals…to some extent) and the friend that I’ve probably shared the most with I trust a great deal, which when I think about it, often makes me laugh as he’s several years younger, yet abnormally wise for his age.
Umm…yeah, I guess that’s that. I’m still waiting for someone with whom all of the guards can come down. I've had people, usually people I like, with whom i've desired to reach that level, but...i wouldn't let myself...seemed pointless.
In other news…
IT’S FASHION WEEK!
Lord prepare me for the material goodness that my eyes will behold.
For those who love clothes but don’t live in NYC…i’m sorry… I’ll try to take good pictures...
- Bryan
IT’S FASHION WEEK!Lord prepare me for the material goodness that my eyes will behold.
For those who love clothes but don’t live in NYC…i’m sorry… I’ll try to take good pictures...
- Bryan
3 comments:
Bryan,
Love this post. I had a conversation w/ the sig. other recently about vulnerability.
I understand your anxiety about being vulnerable in an "unsafe" relationship. I've experienced this.
I really thing that vulnerability can be dangerous when it's a substitute for authenticity. For me, this manifested in my opening up myself too much and showing my partner "everything". But it was somehow to gain acceptance or love. And it backfired.
I've found that true authenticity is rewarding when there is no need for the approval of the other person.
Definitely a balancing act. Thanks for being authentic in your struggle. You're not the only one!
(ps403)
Unlike Steve I have no great insight. In fact I think he gave much for me to think on. I just wanted to say that yes, the vulnerability thing is weird.
What a great insight Steve!
Does anyone else feel like the line between authenticity and vulnerability is a very thin one? I feel like I could write a blog about that line alone.
I think about past conversations with guys i've liked as well as guys i'm friends with, and I have a hard time telling the difference between those times that I was vulnerable in the hopes that i'd be liked, and those times that I was just being authentic. Then there are times when you make yourself vulnerable and open to a friend, only to later develop feelings and wish you could take it all back! David is right, the vulnerability thing is weird, but I have the feeling that it more often than not will be, even when it's appropriate. So, when is it appropriate?
Just thinking out loud...
Thanks guys!
Post a Comment