The Signet Ring

When I was a junior or senior in college I had a dream one night. I sat on the ground Indian style facing a woman who appeared to be around my age at the time. As we sat, no words were spoken. I just watched her as she slowly took a paint brush in her hand and began to write something for me on a small piece of paper. As she slowly wrote on this small piece of paper I leaned in to see what it said. She was writing two bible verses. The first was from the book of Haggai. The second was a verse that I could not clearly discern.

I woke up the next morning, got myself ready, and headed to class, all the while feeling mesmerized by this mystical dream that seemed so out of the ordinary. To be honest, I didn’t even know if I would find the verses that I did remember from the dream as I had never heard of that book before. However, when I got home I opened my bible to Haggai and began to read the verses that I so clearly recalled.

“I will overthrow royal thrones, destroying the power of foreign kingdoms. I will overturn their chariots and charioteers. The horses will fall and their riders will kill each other. But when this happens, says the Lord Almighty, I will honor you, Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel, my servant. I will treat you like a signet ring on my finger, says the Lord, for I have specially chosen you. I, the Lord Almighty, have spoken!” Haggai 2: 22-23.

Now to the present.

Today I had a phone conversation with my mother. After we finished she called me 20 minutes later sounding a little teary eyed, and told me that she just had to call me to tell me that she has this overwhelming feeling that now is “my time”. That everything I’ve been wanting for, praying for, waiting for, is here…now. After I hung up I found myself both excited and troubled by this. Excited because, well, who wouldn’t get excited about seeing God do something great in their life? But troubled by that sinking feeling that she knew not what she spoke of. There was irony in knowing that the words she spoke so passionately related in some part to a piece of me that she may not be able to accept…my sexuality. But more importantly that conversation caused me to realize something that I have been trying to gracefully ignore.

My life is changing…quite rapidly...and there's nothing I can do about it. Am I in the beginning stages of a process similar to what Zerubbabel experienced all those centuries ago...becoming a signet ring on the finger of the Almighty?

Recently, a few people have said similar things to that which my mother said this morning. It feels good to hear, but the reality is quite "awkward" for lack of a better word. It is quite a peculiar feeling when you know that if you closed your eyes for only a moment that the world you would see when you opened them could be unrecognizable. It’s even more peculiar, that feeling of little control in knowing that such changes are divinely orchestrated and that your “assistance” is in no way required. In the process I find myself wanting to cling to what I can, wanting to maintain some sense of regularity. I find myself at times whispering beneath my breath… “God, I can’t do this…I don’t think I can do this!”

However, deep down I know that I can “do this”. I must. So, I let go…

I don't really know what it means to be a signet ring on His finger? It sounds like quite an honor.