A Little Reflexion

Yesterday in a conversation with my good Yapese friend Shawn P I said, “I've found it so funny how we can move so far from who we are, thinking that it's who God wants us to be, only to find that who we were is who he wanted us to be all along”.

That has been my reality over the past few months. It seems that every step forward is a step into something and someone that I once was, someone that I tried to stifle. As time goes by I see the richness in this person that God has created, the beauty in the spirit and the life that he has cared for through all of these years. I see the awesome guidance and the superb patience with which he has lead me, and in some ways it makes me ashamed. It makes me ashamed that I thought it was so important to be someone I’m not. It makes me ashamed that I valued things over life, love, and people. It makes me ashamed that I took the amazing gifts that he fashioned within me and decided that they were worthless. It makes me sad that I felt so lost and hurt that I thought such actions were my only options to true happiness.

As I move into the New Year, I realize that I am more of “myself” than I have been in quite some time. There are things, places, and people that I love that I had long since forgotten about. There are goals, desires, and passions that I thought has disappeared. I have become stronger and wiser. Yes, there are still many questions. For instance, I don’t quite know what “me” looks like as a devout Christian. I don’t really see too many of them dancing in cages at night clubs…but I could be wrong. I also don’t know what “me” looks like in a relationship, or how the real “me” will be received among the friends I have made in recent years.

What I do know is that I love passionately and relentlessly. I give until I have no more to give. I desire to see those I care for succeed in every way. I am strong but not overbearing. I am adaptable, but not so changeable. There are pieces of me that are more unique and more intriguing than I’d care to admit.

This world is full of people and places that will love me as I am, and no one under this sun is worth giving up the life that God has given ME to live.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

PS: SP! Papito! Maè! Sabes que eres una persona maravillosa. Siempre entiendes cosas dentro de mi que no entiendo. El Señor te usarà en maneras espectaculares. Pero tambien, creo que El te darà mas que se puede esperar. Yo sè que a la larga las cosas que estas experimentando solamente haràn la luz de dios brillar dentro de usted. Te quiero mucho!

How was that? ;-)