Virtually Exhausted

Last night I was able to chat with one of my best friends on instant messenger. I haven't spoken to her in any depth for about 3 months for reasons that are probably outside the scope of this blog. I will say that there was no falling out nor was there any sort of misunderstanding. Things just sort of fell off as I focused on processing some things that were going on in my own life. As I sat there on my wobbly futon, chatting away I couldn't help but carry a grin that spanned from ear to ear. Here I was, chatting online with someone who's known me for 8 years, who I've spent countless hours with, laughing, chatting, harassing, eating, and chilling. Talking to her online was a much-needed breath of fresh air.

I've met some amazing people these past few months, most of whom I’ve met online. These people span the globe and possess unique, wonderful, and captivating personalities. However, as I sat chatting with my friend last night I was finally able to put into words something I’ve been feeling for several months now but couldn't quite communicate. Talking online to people I don't know is a lot of work! I'm virtually exhausted.

In general while talking online I find it difficult to communicate my thoughts and feelings in writing.

"But Bryan...what about some of these wonderful blog's you've posted?! You seem to communicate quite well in writing!"

Well, in response to that I have a confession to make. I hate writing blog posts!

Ok, I don't hate it. Blog writing is my way of expressing my thoughts and feelings in a way that allows me to share those thoughts and feelings with others. However, doing so in a succinct and eloquent manner takes me quite some time and therefore, at times, really isn't all that enjoyable. If I could paint a picture or write a song to share with you instead, I'd do so in a heartbeat. Written communication really isn't my number one form of expression and is by far not my most enjoyable.

All that being said, written communication is vital as you befriend people you've never met. It is through your words that they get to know you. This for me presents a problem, as I don't often convey "me" accurately through written words, which often leaves false impressions regarding my thoughts, feelings, intent, personality, and character. Trying to combat that or correct it in the presence of a misunderstanding or comprehension failure during online communication with people I’ve never met can be exhausting.

It's just nice to talk to someone who can...

..specifically know, given the situation being discussed, what I mean when I say "..interesting" because they've heard me say it a million times under a million different circumstances.

..burst into laughter at my "LOL's" because they can truly picture me Laughing Out Loud

..because they know me, know my true intent in asking a question or making a statement

Someone who doesn't interpret the things that I say or my online actions as anything more than they are, and who when reading my words of disappointment, hurt, or confusion can simultaneously hear the confidence and strength in my voice and know that Bryan is just venting and as always he'll be just fine. I'd say that the past few weeks have resulted in a heightened sense of greatfullness for the friends in my everyday life who know me, sometimes better than I know myself.

As for the people I’ve come to know recently, well, they're quite wonderful! I have no doubt that they'd be just as wonderful in real life. I hope to one day be able to move from this online madness and partake in the joy of their physical presence.

I have many hugs to give!