Sometimes I catch a glimpse of something I want as part of my future. It’s usually short-lived, being just long enough to realize how wonderful it would be to have, but not long enough to know whether it’s meant for me, or good for me. It comes suddenly, perhaps through a comment from a friend, the smile of a child, a gust of wind, a warm embrace, or a ray of sunlight peeking through my window in the early morning hours. The experience is both beautiful and uncomfortable at the same time.This post comes on the tail end of a conversation with a friend today in which we both shared some of the desires and complexities of our hearts. I guess there are some friends who just give us clarity, friends who inadvertently allow us to learn more about ourselves, who we are, what we want, and what we have to be thankful for. I have a few like that, and I’m grateful. Today’s conversation, though brief, was good for me. My friend already knows the affinity I have for him (yes, friends CAN have that *rolls eyes* ), and that parts of who he is are reflective of the traits I hope to find in my future “husbpartnerspouse”. In that respect it’s always cool to chat with him and be reminded that likeminded gay guys do exist. More importantly though, today I was reminded that of all the glimpses I’ve caught, I’ve seen enough of them realized to be OK were I to never see another. I have much to be thankful for.
It’s comforting to know that some things are just out of my control, including who I’ll be or what things and people will shape my world in the years to come. I guess I’m content without all of the answers. I guess I’m ok not knowing when this season will end, and what the next one will bring. I’m really ok.
I guess you would have to have known me for the better part of the past 26 years to know why “I’m ok” means more than the words themselves can possibly express.
Happy Thanksgiving!
-Bryan
“Even if my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me…. I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” From Psalm 27 - A Psalm of David. :)
3 comments:
hi, bryan! i'm not sure how i ended up in your blog, really... but you know what, this post beautiful. you're blessed with good friends. i don't have that many friends, although i know and am surrounded by many people... i also feel unhappy about things and days that just out of my control and i'm actualy scared of the future even though i know i need to trust in the lord... i'm really happy for you. i wish i could have that kind of mindset, too.
hehe. sorry for that sharing. i hope it's ok if look around, too. :)
Have I mentioned lately how awesome you are? Thank you very much Bryan for your friendship.
Thanks Acey!
Ditto David! :)
- Bryan
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